Happy 2020! I hope you saw in the New Year at a raucous gathering with lots of friends and loud music. Unless you’re like me. Then I hope you didn’t. Then I hope you had a quiet evening with a few loved ones and fell asleep early despite the racket next door.

My preference is to bid the old year a gentle goodnight around ten o’clock, then wake up before my family does on New Year’s Day and sit by the Christmas tree with my cat, my caffeine and my journal.

I’m a morning person. That means New Year’s Day is more meaningful to me than New Year’s Eve, if only because I’m awake for it.

I suspect I’m in the minority though. A quick internet search reveals hundreds of New Year’s Eve traditions here and around the globe. There are some common ingredients: alcohol, food, fireworks, alcohol, kissing, bells and alcohol, and none of those on New Year’s morning. As the designated driver at every party I go to, I can only guess that the alcohol allows the revelers to forget the worst of the past year and start the new one off just as badly. 

My New Year’s routine is my effort to not only start the new year off right, but to close out the old one well too. 

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions probably because I’ve never been one to keep New Year’s resolutions. Instead I see the holiday as the perfect time to recommit to what’s important to me: my family, my spiritual life, my health and my passion for writing.

I start by writing down my thoughts about the year that was. What am I grateful for? What did I accomplish? Where did I fall short? What did I learn? Hindsight is 20/20, you know. And there you have it: My first bad pun of the New Year.

Then I look to the year ahead. No 20/20 for that, just that wonderful feeling of optimism that accompanies New Year’s Day for those of us who aren’t suffering with a hangover. What do I want to do differently? How can I use what I learned to make the next year better? What are my goals? What do I dream about and hope for? How can I make a difference by doing what I do best?

To me it’s about steady growth over the years rather than the sudden transformations that New Year’s resolutions sometimes demand. Incidentally, this is the same early morning check-in I like to start my birthday with, only without the Christmas tree. My birthday is in August and usually we get it down by then.

Whatever your New Year’s routine, I wish you a perfect 2020 and not just in hindsight.
 
(Dorothy Rosby is a syndicated humor columnist and the author of three humor books, including the soon-to-be-released Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to Worry About, Humorous Essays on the Hazards of Our Time.)
 
Dorothy Rosby
Author of Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to Worry About, coming soon
www.dorothyrosby.com
 
Find me on Facebook   Twitter    LinkedIn
I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better

Aah, the perfect gift. You’re loved one will cherish it for years to come. They’ll tell everyone they know about it. And they’ll think of you fondly every time they use it, which you hope will make up for the way they think of you the rest of the time. But if you wait until the last minute, you’re far more likely to purchase one of the following types of gifts for your loved one. They’ll tell everyone about these too.
 

1) The gift you give because you want the receiver to have it. In fact, you need the receiver to have it—like when you give your messy co-worker a desk organizer or your college-aged child a broom for his dorm room. You’re convinced that if you wrap a hair remover gadget or a gift certificate for tattoo removal in beautiful paper and put a bow on it, the recipient will see it as a thoughtful gift instead of what it really is: an underhanded way to bring them around to your way of thinking. 
 

2) The gift you give because you want it for yourself. Based on the shape, size and weight of the packages under the tree, you’re pretty sure no one got it for you, so you buy it on a whim. You feel guilty immediately, as you should. But you tell yourself the same story you plan to tell your loved one: You bought them the wine making starter kit or the quilting supplies so the two of you could spend more quality time together. The danger is that, out of spite, they may not even let you have the gift after the divorce. 
 

3) The gift you give because you don’t have a single idea and you’re flat out of time to come up with one. The pressure is on. The store is crowded with panicked shoppers fighting over the last Stinky Pig game. You’ve heard the Chipmunks sing “Christmas Don’t Be Late,” one too many times over the intercom. And you know yourself well enough to know that if you don’t find a gift fast, someone is going to get run over and not by a reindeer. 
 

I’ve got a better idea. Many Women’s Network members have products perfect for gift giving and they’d be happy to help you. Call any of the following before you break down and buy a talking trout.

• Jayne Heying-Bilka — Mary Kay cosmetics and other personal care items
  jheyingbilka@gmail.com (605)381-6561 
• Kathy Monington — Pampered Chef kitchen tools, food products, and cookbooks
  pamperedkdm@midco.net (605)791-0171 
• Jamie Clark—Young Living Essential Oils (605)786-3358 
• Monique Heizelman—PartyLite candles and home décor products (605)786-5342.
• Vesta Wells Johnson—Songs My Mother Loved, Pop Songs From the 40’s and 50’s and The Moon is Hiding (lullaby/ relaxation) CDs
  (605)348-6963 cdr44@rap.midco.net.
• And me too. I’ve written two books of humor (605)391-0028 or drosby@rushmore.com
  .

Forgive me if I missed anyone. This is what I gathered from the website, my stack of business cards and my feeble memory. If you aren’t on the website directory, now would be a good time to take care of that. Hint hint.

Dorothy Rosby is a syndicated humor columnist, author and speaker. www.dorothyrosby.com.

Dorothy Rosby

Author of Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to Worry About, coming soon

www.dorothyrosby.com

Find me on Facebook  Twitter   LinkedIn

I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better

I type in my name, address, credit card number, discount code, mother’s maiden name, model of first car and nickname of second-grade teacher’s oldest child and ta-dah! The online form locks up. 
 

I close out, go back in and do the whole thing once more and…it locks up again. 
 

This is a true story—mostly—and it illustrates one of the reasons I’d rather shop locally then let my fingers do the walking with online shopping. Here are a few more: 
 

1) When you shop locally, a knowledgeable store associate can not only help you choose the right product, they can also tell you how the darn thing works. I assume you already know how to use dog treats and dishtowels, but you might need some coaching on a laptop or a chain saw. A little advice could mean the difference between years of using the product happily and tossing it at the wall at the first sign of trouble, which could void your warranty.
 

2) It’s good to try before you buy, except for groceries. Don’t do that. Even if sizing were consistent, which it isn’t, women’s figures are not. Two women wearing the same dress in the same size won’t fill it out the same. And neither of them will fill it out the way the model on the computer screen does. 
 

3) Before you buy something locally, you can smell it, touch it and shake it, though if you shake it too hard, you may have to buy it even if you don’t like the way it smells. 
 

When you order online, there’s no guarantee that what you see on the screen is what you’ll get in the mail. A quick internet search of “online shopping scams” reveals a beautiful jumpsuit that looked more like pink surgical scrubs when the buyer received it, a bridesmaid dress that was more like a nightgown and an attractive bedding set that was only one pillowcase when it arrived—and not an attractive one. 
 

4) All of the above means you’re less likely to have to return your purchase. And returning products is the worst part of shopping, mainly because nothing ever fits back in the box you bought it in. It is as though new purchases expand when they’re exposed to oxygen. 
 

5) Shopping locally is good for Rapid City. When my son was young, I spent many hours watching little league baseball games and I never once saw the name Amazon, Wayfair or Overstock.com emblazoned on the back of a uniform. Doing business with the people who are regularly hit up for donations and sponsorships seems like the least we can do. 
 

Having said all of that, I’ll admit there are times when shopping online is the way to go. Maybe the product you need isn’t available locally, or maybe you’re quarantined or under house arrest. Maybe you’re embarrassed to be seen buying a particular product, like head lice shampoo or Fifty Shades of Grey.
 

I get it. But this holiday season, do your best to shop locally. Do it the rest of the year too. And start with the wonderful businesses owned by Women’s Network members.

(Dorothy Rosby is a syndicated humor columnist, speaker and author.)

We all have the same 168 hours in our weeks, but I feel like I consistently come up short by around 20 or 30 hours. I’ve identified some of the time leaks in my work life and I’m working on plugging them, with varying levels of success.

Email – Of all my leaks, email is the most frustrating. I’ve started leaving the sound off on my computer so I won’t hear a ding every time Dr. Fungus and Blabber Buzz send an email, which is two or three thousand times a day. And I take great pleasure in blocking emails from the likes of Dr. Fungus and Blabber Buzz. But I do get some legitimate emails too, so I try to stick to checking email just a few times a day, usually when I sit back down after breakfast, after lunch and at the end of my workday. Most importantly—and this is the hardest one for me—I try to reply, forward, file or delete right then, rather than letting email stack up in my inbox.

Phone notifications – I recently had a guest in my home whose notifications were set to sound like a train going by every time she got any kind of message. If that were my phone, this column wouldn’t be done. I have my phone set to vibrate only when I get a text or a phone call. It still wastes a lot of time since half my calls are from the IRS and the Resort Rewards Center. But what can I do? Sometimes real people do need to reach me, though apparently not as often as the IRS and the Resort Rewards Center.

Social media – There is no getting around it; customers are on social media, so we must be there too. I once heard the analogy that social media platforms are like cocktail parties and that informs how we should behave on social media, for example, we would never go into a cocktail party and start shouting, “Buy my product!” We must also be disciplined enough to leave the cocktail party before we’ve wasted an entire day there. 

Snail mail and other documents – The electronic age has not really reduced paper as promised. It’s only allowed us to generate it faster—at least in my office. I’m sure you’ve heard the answer is OHIO; only handle it once and not just in Ohio. Pay it, file it, or toss it immediately, with tossing being the preferred choice.

And that’s my advice for plugging time leaks. I’m working on taking it myself. 
(Dorothy Rosby is a syndicated humor columnist, author and speaker. Contact her at drosby@rushmore.com)