By Dorothy Rosby

You can’t tell by looking at my wrapping, but I was once a professional gift wrapper. Sort of. When I was a teenager, I worked at a hardware store in my hometown, Buffalo, South Dakota. Buffalo had a population of around 350 people and was many miles from a department store. Also I was in high school before the days of online shopping—about a hundred years before the days of online shopping. So the hardware store carried a variety of housewares, toys and other items that were often purchased for gift giving. We also had a fabulous selection of wrapping paper and bows but only a few people on staff who could really do them justice. I wasn’t one of them.

Practice should make perfect and I wrapped many gifts, but they always had those big bulges on the sides of the package where the paper comes together—like I accidentally wrapped a hammer in there, which I may have once or twice. Even today I turn a gift on its side and put a big bow on the lump to cover it up.

But I can finally feel good about my wrapping, and not because it’s gotten better. Recently I’ve read about several studies that suggest attractive gift wrapping can backfire by leading the receiver to anticipate an equally attractive gift. That means that when they open your beautifully wrapped package and find an egg slicer or a hair removal device, they’re bound to be disappointed. They might be disappointed anyway.

But researchers say fancy wrapping can even dim the enthusiasm of someone receiving a nice gift. Meanwhile, mediocre wrapping can enhance the joy of receiving any gift because the wrapping hasn’t built up expectations, though I don’t think anything could enhance the joy of receiving a hair remover or an egg slicer.

It makes sense really. Imagine that a month before Christmas you receive a gift that’s been professionally wrapped in gold metallic wrapping paper with a red satin ribbon and a giant bow. You see it under your tree every day and you can’t help imagining all the wonderful things that could be in that package. Crystal? A new camera? A hundred-dollar bill and a big rock to add weight to the package? You can’t wait for Christmas!

Finally, it’s time. You tear into the package prepared to be wowed, and you find…a hot dog cooker or a snow cone maker. Naturally you’re disappointed. Who wants snow cones in December?

If these studies had been done back when I was a professional gift wrapper it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment. I could have handed my customers their lumpy packages and said, “If your wife is disappointed that you bought mixing bowls for her birthday, don’t blame me.”

According to one researcher there’s an exception to the gift wrap rule, and that’s when the value of your gift isn’t obvious. For example, let’s say you’re giving your teenager the $1.3 million Diamond Crypto Smartphone. If she thinks the diamonds are cubic zirconia she might carelessly misplace her phone under her bed or accidentally throw it in with the dirty laundry. In order to signal that the gift actually does have great value you should definitely have it professionally wrapped. You should also have your head examined.

For gifts valued at less than $1.3 million, consider more humble wrapping:

• Wrap your gift in newspaper, being careful to avoid the obituary page.
• Wrap it in brown paper and tie it up with string while humming a verse of “My Favorite Things.”
• Make the wrapping part of the gift. For example, use a tea towel to wrap a package of kitchen sponges.
• Go wrapless—the gift, not you.
• My personal favorite though, is the gift bag. Gift bags are attractive but not so much that they raise my expectations. They don’t require any special wrapping skill when I go to reuse them later. And they make it easy for me to peek.

Excerpt from ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate, Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand now available at Mitzi’s Books in downtown Rapid City and on Amazon.