By Dorothy Rosby

Sometimes I sit at my computer thinking about all the things I could be doing if I weren’t working. Then when I stop working, I think about all the things I didn’t finish when I was working because I was thinking about not working.

I’ve been known to lie awake at night, fretting about the next day. Then I drag through the next day—wishing I were asleep. I iron while I watch movies. I talk on the phone while I clean my house. And I read while I ride my exercise bike. (How good the workout is depends on how good the reading material is.) 

As anyone who knows me will tell you, my mind is rarely where my body is. And that’s a nice way to put what they say about me. But judging by the behavior of those around me, I’m not the only one. I know a woman who puts on her make-up while she drives, and I know a man who reads news during family dinners. (I won’t mention any names, but it’s someone I’m married to.)

I once saw a woman knitting at a baseball game. And a few days ago I saw a teenage boy driving with what looked like a textbook open on the dashboard. Maybe he was studying for his driver’s test.

When I’m talking to others, I can practically see the cartoon balloons rising over their heads. “Cheese. I need to pick up cheese,” or, “I wonder if the fish are biting.” I understand; I’ve done it myself and I don’t even fish.

Only young children seem to be right where they are, with the exception of on Christmas Eve and the night before their birthday. Make that the month before their birthday. Then they get to high school and start dreaming of going to college. Then they get to college and start dreaming of a career. Then they start a career and start dreaming about retiring. Then they retire and talk about the good old days.

As adults we simply don’t always bring our minds along when we take our bodies out. That makes us either talented or negligent. Separating mind and body is a wonderful talent to have when you’re having a tooth pulled or a tattoo removed.  But it was negligent when I left a store without paying for the snacks I had every intention of purchasing. Honest! It’s just that my mind was already at the office while my body was still walking out of the store. It didn’t help that it was walking pretty darn fast.

And it was negligent and even downright dangerous when a man talking on his cellphone while he drove nearly ran over me. His mind was on his conversation, but his body was in his car driving toward me. Incidentally while that was happening, my mind was right there with my body for a change.

The other problem with letting mind and body go their separate ways is you miss so much. You miss the taste of your meal if, while you’re eating it, you’re already thinking about whether or not you’re going to have seconds—and dessert. If you’re reading your email while you’re driving, you’ll miss the view, not to mention the patrolman.

We should ask ourselves, were we really there at all, wherever “there” was, if our head wasn’t? If I was thinking of my vacation while I was working, was I really working at all and should I even be paid?

I think…yes, since I was thinking of working while I was on my vacation. In which case, maybe I really wasn’t on vacation at all and should probably take another one.

Dorothy Rosby is a syndicated humor columnist and the author of four books of humorous essays all available locally at Mitzi’s Books and on Amazon.