I read that the average woman spends 16 minutes on weekdays and 14 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays deciding what to wear. That adds up to a whopping 287 days of our lives, standing in front of our closets in our bathrobes, mumbling, “I don’t have a thing to wear!”

The average man spends somewhat less time choosing an outfit—only 13 minutes—which is why I think men should be responsible for cooking breakfast.
I’m well below average—as is often the case. There’s no way I’m spending that much time agonizing over what to wear. I work at home, so deciding what I’m going to wear is a matter of grabbing the first pair of sweatpants I come across when I’m digging in the dryer.

But I used to work outside of my home and I developed the following powerful strategies for deciding what to wear in far less than 16 minutes. As you’ll see, they are mainly based on the simple premise that choosing is always easier when you have less to choose from. Use these tips and you’ll be on time for work every day, though I can’t speak to how you’ll look when you get there.

1. 1. 1. I couldn’t choose it if I couldn’t find it and half an hour before work was not a good time to be looking for it. It’s amazing how often I couldn’t find it. 
      2. I couldn’t choose it if it wasn’t clean and depending on how caught up I was on laundry, that could narrow my choices considerably. 
      3. I considered the thermostat. For most people, the weather report is a determining factor when they’re choosing what to wear. But weather only matters if you’re a construction worker or a ranch hand and you work all day outdoors. If you mainly spend your days indoors like I do, consider the thermostat instead. I tend to be on the chilly side, so a useful weather report for me would read like this: “Dress in layers if you’re heading to XYZ Business. The owner is a woman of a certain age, and she keeps that place as cold as a meat locker. Likewise it will be 40-45 degrees at the movies this evening. The butter on your popcorn will harden before you get to your seat, but the ice in your beverage should last you through the credits.” 
      4. I considered my day. What will I be doing, how many people will see me doing it and how judgmental are those people? Will I be on my feet a lot? If so, I should avoid certain shoes if I still want to be walking tomorrow. Will I be sitting a lot? I have pants that would cut me in half by the end of the day. 
      5. Finally, I considered how much time I had before I had to be at work. There were many days I didn’t have 16 minutes to get ready, let alone decide what to wear. I never went to work in the clothes I slept in, but if I hit the snooze button too many times, I may have looked like it.
         

These days I definitely look like I slept in my work clothes. That’s because I do. Or rather I work in my sleep clothes, which I don’t recommend unless you work at home too.

Most days, I crawl out of bed and go directly to my computer. Eventually, I’m overcome by shame that I’m still in my pajamas, so I change into sweatpants for the rest of the day. If anyone dropped by, they’d think I teach aerobics in my home. Yes, it’s embarrassing but think of all the time I’m saving.

Dorothy Rosby is a humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications throughout the West and Midwest. She is author of three books of humorous essays all available locally at Mitzi’s Books and on Amazon.